Color Me Confused

Hello! We took some time off to tend to ourselves and truthfully there wasn’t a lot to be said about having BPES. Taking care of our needs in the second half of 2020 meant tending to much more basic things offline. We’re making a slow comeback to the blogosphere. Welcome to a new year, and for those in the Northern Hemisphere, hopefully a spring filled with hope and good health. 

I get my eyebrows threaded and I love it! I mentioned in previous posts that after my eye surgery in 2012, I stopped getting my eyebrows waxed based on my surgeon’s advice. The consultant I usually see to have my eyebrows threaded had a repetitive stress injury in her hands (her money makers!) and she was on medical leave towards the end of 2020. I was waiting for her to come back from leave (instead of just going to see someone else) and five months seemed like a very generous window of time to recover. Yes, I see your face recoiling! I went five months managing my brows on my own.

I went to visit her this week and thankfully she has fully recovered. She was back at work. She fixed my eyebrows, which truthfully just need to be trimmed. They mostly keep their shape at this point after years of threading. She asked if I wanted to have her fill in my brows. I was intrigued so I said yes! She also asked if I wear make up for work. I belly laughed. I do not wear make up on a regular basis. I might throw on tinted moisturizer, blush, and tinted lip balm for a major occasion or something. My sister and I have discussed elsewhere on the blog the pains of eye makeup as a woman with BPES, so ever since my eye surgery, I steer clear of eye shadow. Based on my reaction to my consultant’s query, our conclusion was she would fill in my brows “for fun.”

I was amused, nervous, and a bit excited to see what she would do. I have noticed over the last so many years that my eyebrows are not remotely symmetrical. This is normal. HOWEVER, I suspect that after my surgery, I think my sling is stronger/higher in my left eye compared to my right eye. I am convinced my eyebrow symmetry changed after my eye surgery. My consultant did extensive filling in on my right eyebrow to make it appear more level with my left. From afar, things looked okay. Up close, you could see that the pencil color probably matched my hair color better than my darker eyebrows. It was very obvious that my eyebrows were filled in.

I am glad I tried it for fun. I felt as if I had come full circle. When I was high school, I was very self conscious of having very thick eyebrows. In college, I didn’t really understand how to pluck my eyebrows, but I attempted it based off of the encouragement of my dorm mates. I would pluck some to ensure I didn’t have a unibrow. My high school drama coach always made fun of people with unibrows and I have this unfortunate psychological scar around this. Being impressionable and insecure as a teenager, I remember being very self conscious that he might call me out as having a unibrow. Laughable now, but I was so concerned at the time. After college once I had a stable income, I started getting my eyebrows waxed. I felt like a NEW WOMAN. My entire face looked different and I loved it. With intention, I do see the power in grooming your brows if it serves you. I then went through a phase where I grew my eyebrows back in before I transitioned to eyebrow threading. What is so funny to me is that I’ve been threading for so long, some hairs don’t grow in anymore. When my consultant filled in my eyebrows this week, it was essentially artificially creating the size and volume I used to naturally have before I started interfering. Hmmm…

Which leads me to wonder, between surgery and threading, did I make my eyebrows thinner and uneven? What is wonderful about this inquiry is that it doesn’t really matter and I suspect most people don’t even notice. Even if they did, I don’t care – it’s MY face! Experiences like this bring me back to that constant question floating calmly at my side as a lady with BPES whenever something weird happens to me – do other people have these eyebrow quandaries or are my eyebrows super wonky because of BPES?

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